clueless..

these few days have been constant thought bout myself.. and of cos one other thing.. can't believe i'm so messed up.. well come to think of it.. its kinda good.. becos of the other thing.. i've got to reflect on my fucking life.. how fucking wrong it went from 2 yrs ago.. my fucking character and all.. but still it doesn't change anything bout my prob.. wat does God wan me to do? or rather.. wat do i want myself to do.. i dunno man.. my heart is telling me one thing.. while the mind is telling the other.. and i dunno how to listen to God when my whole being is torn apart.. vernon vernon.. how did u get to this? huh? is this really the way u wan it? haha.. i'm mad.. talking to myself.. well.. guess it should happen... nver felt this way in my whole fucking life before.. well. i dun have the guts to express everything yet. maybe one of these days i will.. haha.. though it won't make a fucking diff.. but i'll juz do it.. promise..