its fading.. away...

well. wat isn't? haha.. but to me.. its really fading.. the dream.. and the hope.. last nite enjoyed myself a lil.. at zac's house to celebrate brendon's bdae.. was damn hungry but still cooked for everyone.. then listened to Josh and ian's lame gay and sick jokes.. then i retreated to playground slide.. listened to my mp3.. playing all my songs.. thinking.. that's the part.. thinking.. fuck thoughts.. but ya.. those are wat keeps us alive.. the fading thought of nver ever able to reach.. to even go near.. its heart wrenching.. its not a matter of looking forward.. its juz that once u found something worth it.. u dun wanna even want to let it go.. haha.. i dunno.. i like the exotic and the unique.. maybe.. oh ya! so much for getting a snake again.. darn.. i do miss my snake.. sigh.. ppl tell me there are more things in life.. yes i noe there are.. but i use to think that with mental focusing u can do even the impossible.. haha.. its weird.. i got myself motivated juz by writing this shit.. maybe i should take my time.. patience is a virtue no one in my family other then my grandfather has.. (maybe becos he was old.. well.. he now isn't old anymore.. he's with God..) my mother noes nothing about patience.. my father hates patience.. and my sister? she's is.. but nver with me.. haha.. well i think i write too much? haha.. no one will be reading it anyway.. haha.. so might as well go on.. guess it is a personal blog now.. haha.. the fade.. i hate it.. why do ppl need motivation to move on? sigh.. nvm.. i can motivate myself though i think.. hopefully..